Before I forget, I have worked out this week! Monday I lifted, Tuesday I did 30 min Zumba with my kids, Wednesday I lifted, Thurs I did a little Zumba and then I did the Aqua Tone class at the gym.
I was going to lift tonight when we went to the gym for packet pickup, but then it turned out we forgot the racquet ball racquets, so the kids and my father all had no entertainment, so instead we just came home. It's kind of just as good to not work out the night before a race, even if it is a tiny little super sprint, so I'm not unhappy about it.
I am feeling kind of worried though. I timed myself on the swim a few days ago and completed it in 8:30. Now, they've place me first in my wave, probably because I'm the only one of the last wave (probably all beginner triathletes) who turned in a time. FIRST. What were they thinking? I'm going to make a fool of myself! I know that in reality I'm a VERY slow swimmer, and putting me in front of people will just increase the size of the masses who pass me.
Also, I made a statement at the gym tonight that "I do triathlons." This is my second, and there's no question I want to do more. But I got a funny look from someone when I said it - like, "Does she really think that this puts her in the same category as people who do a half Ironman or an Ironman?" The answer is no, I recognize the difference between a sprint or a super sprint and an Ironman! One of my goals is to do an Olympic length, and someday I might do a half Ironman. I realize that I'm not in the same category as the super atheletes out there! And really, I think I never will be. To me, that's not the point.
The point is, I have never been athletic in any way, and now I am doing something for myself, that helps me feel better emotionally and physically and on so many levels that I simply don't have words to describe it. In my experience, you don't get thin and then get fit. You get fit or you don't get fit, and maybe thin happens along the way and maybe it doesn't. The point is to start moving your body, and enjoying the benefits that come from that. This is what I am doing. I don't expect to ever be fast, by any comparison. I don't expect to ever stand on a podium because I did so well when compared to others. Honestly, I don't expect to ever be thin by the standards of the American Medical Profession.
I do hope to be active for the rest of my life (and I'm currently 32). I hope to teach my children, by my own vivid example, the tremendous benefits of daily exercise. I hope to heal the two herniated disks in my back well enough that I can consistently particpate in triathlon events. I hope to heal well enough that I almost never spend time in bed in pain, and when it does happen it's only occasionally (no more than a couple times a year tops) and for a few hours at a time. I want to teach my children the skills to strengthen their core muscles, and the habbits to maintain that strength, so that they fight off the overwhelming genetics that are against them and thereby never experience the debilitating back pain that I lived with for years. They may choose as adults to abandon the things I'm trying to teach them now, but it will be only by their own choice - not by any negligence on my part.
So, I'm nervous about the race tomorrow. I think that we are all ready, and I hope that it will be really fun. My best friend and her kids are coming to cheer us on, and I'm excited for that! But for me to really enjoy it, I know I'm going to have to swallow my pride - that part of me that will always wish I could be a little bit fast, a little bit thin, a little bit more like the way I perceive those around me to be - and just keep reminding myself that I'm doing this for me, not for them, and that I am tremendously proud of myself. When I compare what I do every day now to the year after I herniated the disks, when I spent roughly 9 months of the year in bed... there is no comparison. So, even if it is reality that I am the slowest, fattest person in the race (which I might or might not be, who knows), I will completely disregard the judgments (and imagined judgments!) of others and complete this race. Doing otherwise would hurt only me and my family, and finishing it will be moving deeper into this new life that I truly love.
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